Wow. I'll be back in Kansas in just a few days. I could say that it's hard to believe that my time here is almost over, but in some ways it will be a relief. This semester has been a long one in many ways, especially the last few weeks. I won't really go into detail here, but I'll be glad to be home where I can rest and detox for a couple days, and I have the "jetlag" excuse to back it up.
Not that I'm not excited to be home regardless :-D
I was up 'til 6 am this morning, and then slept 'til nine. Jeremiah and Ellen and Becky and I stayed up together - Jeremiah and I just because, Becky and Ellen still had packing left to do. And cleaning. And now, the girls are gone, and the "Four Musketeers" (christened at around 1 am or so by Jeremiah) are down to two. And he is out at dinner with a family from church, so I sit here alone.
It's an interesting feeling. Knowing that while most people are responsibility free now that classes are over, I do not have such a luxury. I have a sermon to write, 300 pages of theology to read, and a paper to write. How do I end up with so much to do?
Right now, I'm not really stressed about it - I think I'd call it more resigned. I don't really want to do any of it, but I know that I'll end up doing all of it eventually.
Today's been kind of a daze, to tell the truth. I stood around and talked with Jeremiah and his pastor after the 5 girls left this morning. Then I sat with the rest of the guys and ate pancakes. then I watched the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie, and loved it again.
I could go take a nap, and my body probably needs me to. But, as I've come to realize over the last few years, the afternoon is positively my favorite time of day. Here, I love the light that comes in the afternoon, creating a mist (without any actual mist) that you view everything through. And recently, it means that you get a small break from the real heat of the day. It's probably still just a little too warm to wear my jeans, but because of the gaping hole in my knee i don't mind it too much. I'll rollerblade down to get fish and chips and return the movie later on, and it won't be too warm at all. I'm kind of excited :-)
Speaking of pancakes - going home will be an interesting nutritional experience. Let's start with the fact that a three-meal day is a rarity. And while that's true most of the time at school, usually I eat lunch and dinner, being too tired or too busy or too rushed to eat breakfast. Or too lazy to get up that early ;-) But these days, I eat a bowl of cereal around whenever I get up and then I don't eat anything 'til dinner. I imagine that it will take some getting used to to try to do lunch and dinner everyday.
On top of that, it will be interesting having a varied diet again. Michelle and I tend to eat well, but around the flat I'm usually limited to pasta, pizza, or sandwiches. Usually of the peanut butter and Nutella variety. It's far from healthy, I imagine. I'm actually kind of excited to go back to vegetables :-)
Anyways, people are starting to have the bug that indicates that it really is the end of the semester, and that we are going home. There is an abundance of laundry being done. People are rushing to the market to buy those last minute souvenirs for people. There isn't any food anywhere to be found on campus. And, on days like today, when some people leave, you are likely to see friends sitting around not really talking about anything, but all looking off into space and lost in their own thoughts.
I do very little of that - I think the rest of the day will be an interesting one. 3/4 of the persons that I spend the majority of my time with are gone right now, and the other one is off campus. it's not that I'm alone, because of course I know all the people that are still around campus. But there is just something like a hole that comes from not feeling intimately connected to the people around you. I tend to avoid that situation and that feeling like the plague - usually by not being intimately connected to people.
It's hard. Even in the midst of discussing it early this morning, and seeing that everyone more or less felt the same way, it's so funny to see the ways that we distort actions and thoughts and glances between people and we miscommunicate. And make ourselves feel on the outside, even when we aren't. It's so hard to KNOW that we are loved, even all the while while it's being communicated to us.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return. That's pretty much where I'm at right now. And while I can't say that I'm excited or ready to go home and continue to learn those lessons, I know that I will. And I'm hoping to try to trust the Lord that He will take care of me and bless me while I learn.
Here's to that hope!
And here's some more pictures:
http://houghton.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2011627&l=
23c64&id=100301115
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
On a Happier Note
So, I've been depressing lately. This is not entirely accurate to how I'm doing on the whole. But, somehow, this turned in to my other blog in disguise. Not that that's bad, and not that they should necessarily be separated, but I was reflecting the other night on how this blog hasn't really included much of the normal activities of my life.
Last weekend we went to Tasmania. If you don't know (I kind of didn't) Tasmania is actually a state of the Commonwealth of Australia, not a separate country. I had to wear shoes on the way there, which was disappointment - in the last three weeks I've worn shoes twice. I quite enjoy being barefoot - which is hilarious, because I used to abhor going anywhere without shoes.
Anyways, the reason I had to have shoes was that we were going on a tour of the Cadbury Factory. So, not only did I have to wear shoes, but also a hairnet and a snood for my facial hair, since I haven't shaved in something like three weeks. The ridiculous apparel aside, the tour was alright. The chocolate, however, was fantastic! I have all kinds of chocolate to bring back, if I don't eat it :-) My favorite is the individual triple-layer bars I got: milk chocolate, white chocolate, and raspberry from the bottom up. It's pretty much the most fantastic thing ever.
After that we went to Mt. Wellington, which overlooks Tasmania's capital city of Hobart. We did a lot of rock climbing and exploring while we were up there. We took pictures and talked funny and screamed a lot, and it was marvelous. If the internet didn't hate me, I'd have had that week up right now, but it took me two hours to get three weeks ago up, so I got lazy and stopped. Maybe later...
We went to the Royal Botanical Gardens after that, and then back to our hostel in the middle of the city. We ate at a seafood place right on the wharf called the Drunken Admiral, and it was some of the best Salmon I've ever had.
The next day we went to the Salamanca Market, the largest and best Market in Australia. While we were there it was crazy busy - although that's not surprising, since it's only open on Saturdays. We spent several hours there just walking around and browsing through little shops. The highlight was definitely a musical group called Mangus (his cd was called Bare Feet, and I smiled). He played the digereidoo, the guitar, and a percussion box and tambourine at the same time. We bought several copies of his cd just because we were so impressed!
From there I went to the Tasmania state art gallery and museum, and it was pretty cool. They had an Antarctic exhibit out, and it was interesting.
We went and had seafood again that night :-D
The next day we went to church at St. David's Anglican Catherdal, and it was fun to have a huge group of us instead of the normal 3. St. David's definitely doesn't see as many tourists as St. Paul's does - they had the books out for the liturgy instead of having the whole thing printed in the service program. They were good about explaining most of it as they went, but a couple times I got fed up of trying to flip pages and just recited it from memory, where it was appropriate. I really enjoy being able to do that - I'll miss the liturgy when I go home! After that Michelle, Becky, Jeremiah and I walked around and explored the route that Jeremiah and Ellen had been on the day before. We walked something like 6K on gravel, and I was barefoot the whole time :-D
We stopped at a park and I climbed a 60 foot cliff face - maybe not smart. I would have died had I fallen, but providentially I did not. I was ok most of the time, but right at one precarious moment Becky came around the corner and screamed and it was not helpful in the least. I got up and around after 45 minutes or so, and vowed to lay off rock climbing for a while :-) We'll see if that actually happens.
Monday we went to Port Arthur, a historical site dedicated to the beginnings of Australia as a convict society. I'd just written a paper on the topic, so I didn't find it highly informative, but it was neat to see everything in person nonetheless. We snuck up into the belltower of the cathedral, but left after a short time because we didn't want to get caught ;-) It was pretty fun though.
This week has been mostly homework and hanging out around Kingsley, except for Wednesday. Michelle and I spent the morning and afternoon at Werribee Park, home of enormous mansion, a winery, and the State Rose Garden. After that we celebrated Jeremiah's birthday, and took him to the World cafe for dinner. It's easily his (mine as well) favorite place to eat; and that just for the FANTASTIC cheesecake. I had some Moroccan spiced penne and a piece of Bailey's cheesecake and almost melted into pleasure.
Then we went and met up with Becky to see the Melbourne Chorale perform the Lamentations of Thomas Tallis - AMAZING. We were the only people under 60 or so again, but you get used to that after a while :-) I got a cd of some of their work, and it's wonderful - I miss choir, I'm excited for next semester!
Today I've just chilled and read a book and put pictures up. The newest set is from a couple weeks ago when we went to Wilson's Promontory, the southernmost point on Mainland Australia. Enjoy!
http://houghton.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2011466&l
=caa93&id=100301115
Last weekend we went to Tasmania. If you don't know (I kind of didn't) Tasmania is actually a state of the Commonwealth of Australia, not a separate country. I had to wear shoes on the way there, which was disappointment - in the last three weeks I've worn shoes twice. I quite enjoy being barefoot - which is hilarious, because I used to abhor going anywhere without shoes.
Anyways, the reason I had to have shoes was that we were going on a tour of the Cadbury Factory. So, not only did I have to wear shoes, but also a hairnet and a snood for my facial hair, since I haven't shaved in something like three weeks. The ridiculous apparel aside, the tour was alright. The chocolate, however, was fantastic! I have all kinds of chocolate to bring back, if I don't eat it :-) My favorite is the individual triple-layer bars I got: milk chocolate, white chocolate, and raspberry from the bottom up. It's pretty much the most fantastic thing ever.
After that we went to Mt. Wellington, which overlooks Tasmania's capital city of Hobart. We did a lot of rock climbing and exploring while we were up there. We took pictures and talked funny and screamed a lot, and it was marvelous. If the internet didn't hate me, I'd have had that week up right now, but it took me two hours to get three weeks ago up, so I got lazy and stopped. Maybe later...
We went to the Royal Botanical Gardens after that, and then back to our hostel in the middle of the city. We ate at a seafood place right on the wharf called the Drunken Admiral, and it was some of the best Salmon I've ever had.
The next day we went to the Salamanca Market, the largest and best Market in Australia. While we were there it was crazy busy - although that's not surprising, since it's only open on Saturdays. We spent several hours there just walking around and browsing through little shops. The highlight was definitely a musical group called Mangus (his cd was called Bare Feet, and I smiled). He played the digereidoo, the guitar, and a percussion box and tambourine at the same time. We bought several copies of his cd just because we were so impressed!
From there I went to the Tasmania state art gallery and museum, and it was pretty cool. They had an Antarctic exhibit out, and it was interesting.
We went and had seafood again that night :-D
The next day we went to church at St. David's Anglican Catherdal, and it was fun to have a huge group of us instead of the normal 3. St. David's definitely doesn't see as many tourists as St. Paul's does - they had the books out for the liturgy instead of having the whole thing printed in the service program. They were good about explaining most of it as they went, but a couple times I got fed up of trying to flip pages and just recited it from memory, where it was appropriate. I really enjoy being able to do that - I'll miss the liturgy when I go home! After that Michelle, Becky, Jeremiah and I walked around and explored the route that Jeremiah and Ellen had been on the day before. We walked something like 6K on gravel, and I was barefoot the whole time :-D
We stopped at a park and I climbed a 60 foot cliff face - maybe not smart. I would have died had I fallen, but providentially I did not. I was ok most of the time, but right at one precarious moment Becky came around the corner and screamed and it was not helpful in the least. I got up and around after 45 minutes or so, and vowed to lay off rock climbing for a while :-) We'll see if that actually happens.
Monday we went to Port Arthur, a historical site dedicated to the beginnings of Australia as a convict society. I'd just written a paper on the topic, so I didn't find it highly informative, but it was neat to see everything in person nonetheless. We snuck up into the belltower of the cathedral, but left after a short time because we didn't want to get caught ;-) It was pretty fun though.
This week has been mostly homework and hanging out around Kingsley, except for Wednesday. Michelle and I spent the morning and afternoon at Werribee Park, home of enormous mansion, a winery, and the State Rose Garden. After that we celebrated Jeremiah's birthday, and took him to the World cafe for dinner. It's easily his (mine as well) favorite place to eat; and that just for the FANTASTIC cheesecake. I had some Moroccan spiced penne and a piece of Bailey's cheesecake and almost melted into pleasure.
Then we went and met up with Becky to see the Melbourne Chorale perform the Lamentations of Thomas Tallis - AMAZING. We were the only people under 60 or so again, but you get used to that after a while :-) I got a cd of some of their work, and it's wonderful - I miss choir, I'm excited for next semester!
Today I've just chilled and read a book and put pictures up. The newest set is from a couple weeks ago when we went to Wilson's Promontory, the southernmost point on Mainland Australia. Enjoy!
http://houghton.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2011466&l
=caa93&id=100301115
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
ABCs
I've recently been struggling academically - not in the sense that I'm not learning things, or that I'm failing any classes or anything like that. It's just that I don't get the whole process, and another thing altogether.
The whole process: in conversations with my dad and a couple other friends, we have found that none of us really like writing papers. Not that there isn't value to it, both academically and in the training of the mind. But it doesn't really make me feel like I've learned all that much. I learn a ton through reading and the research process, but then I have to put my thoughts down on paper, and I have to footnote sources and use / credit other people's ideas, and so far it never seems that my own ideas and the connections that I have made independently as a cause of that reading ever come out. It's like in my IS, where I have learned a ton of theology and grown so much, but only a tiny fraction of that is ever expressed in the papers that I write. To put a letter grade on that one effort doesn't really seem to accurately show how much I've learned and changed.
That's the thing that I have come to hate about grading. If you do poorly on one test, it screws your whole grade for the semester (at least it usually does at Houghton). The way that grading and weighting work, you have to be solid in your information the whole semester to get a "good" grade. If you work hard at something all semester, and move from a D level to finally getting an A at the end of the semester, the only way that is reflected is that you'll probably get a C in the class. That doesn't seem fair to me. It doesn't really reflect the whole process in terms of what you achieve at the end.
Hmm. Maybe that is more fair than I thought. It just seems like writing an 8-10 page paper in response to very specific and detailed prompts doesn't really allow for the personal growth and opinion to come out.
The other thing I have been struggling with is the concept of the grade itself. I remember a conversation last semester where we got our papers back in class, and the people sitting around me were stymied (almost to the point of being angry about it) that I didn't automatically flip to the back of the paper to see what my grade was.
What does that reflect? It says that all you care about is the grade. It doesn't matter what you wrote, or what the grader had to say about it, it only matters what grade you got. As a friend has been reminding me for about a year: "who cares? It's not about the grade, it's about what you learned."
In spite of that, I've still struggled to really put that idea into practice. What does it mean to let my work stand for itself, and not expect that because I've done well in other classes I should automatically do well now? And then when I get a grade that I feel doesn't reflect the work I've done, what should my response be? Do I go and talk with my lecturer about it, or do I jusgt let it slide and hope to do better next time? That's particularly challenging here, where it's often the case (or at least in one class) that I didn't receive a single grade until right before everything was due. I found out 60% of my grade today, and the last assignment is due tomorrow.
I often find that I can't argue with the grades that I've received. But I want to receive something higher. How do I reconcile that? When I get a B that I feel that I probably deserved, but I'm still upset that I didn't pull an A, what do I do?
I don't even know.
For now, my response is to let go and entrust that as much as my grades matter for anything in the future, God will take care of it. That doesn't mean that I plan to slack off and not care, but I'm seriously considering not looking at my grades when they come out online at the end of the semester. I will have done my work, and it will be over. Why do I need to focus and worry about how it was graded by someone else? Wouldn't it be more positive to say that how I did was a matter between God and myself, because it was between He and I how closely to my best I performed?
The whole process: in conversations with my dad and a couple other friends, we have found that none of us really like writing papers. Not that there isn't value to it, both academically and in the training of the mind. But it doesn't really make me feel like I've learned all that much. I learn a ton through reading and the research process, but then I have to put my thoughts down on paper, and I have to footnote sources and use / credit other people's ideas, and so far it never seems that my own ideas and the connections that I have made independently as a cause of that reading ever come out. It's like in my IS, where I have learned a ton of theology and grown so much, but only a tiny fraction of that is ever expressed in the papers that I write. To put a letter grade on that one effort doesn't really seem to accurately show how much I've learned and changed.
That's the thing that I have come to hate about grading. If you do poorly on one test, it screws your whole grade for the semester (at least it usually does at Houghton). The way that grading and weighting work, you have to be solid in your information the whole semester to get a "good" grade. If you work hard at something all semester, and move from a D level to finally getting an A at the end of the semester, the only way that is reflected is that you'll probably get a C in the class. That doesn't seem fair to me. It doesn't really reflect the whole process in terms of what you achieve at the end.
Hmm. Maybe that is more fair than I thought. It just seems like writing an 8-10 page paper in response to very specific and detailed prompts doesn't really allow for the personal growth and opinion to come out.
The other thing I have been struggling with is the concept of the grade itself. I remember a conversation last semester where we got our papers back in class, and the people sitting around me were stymied (almost to the point of being angry about it) that I didn't automatically flip to the back of the paper to see what my grade was.
What does that reflect? It says that all you care about is the grade. It doesn't matter what you wrote, or what the grader had to say about it, it only matters what grade you got. As a friend has been reminding me for about a year: "who cares? It's not about the grade, it's about what you learned."
In spite of that, I've still struggled to really put that idea into practice. What does it mean to let my work stand for itself, and not expect that because I've done well in other classes I should automatically do well now? And then when I get a grade that I feel doesn't reflect the work I've done, what should my response be? Do I go and talk with my lecturer about it, or do I jusgt let it slide and hope to do better next time? That's particularly challenging here, where it's often the case (or at least in one class) that I didn't receive a single grade until right before everything was due. I found out 60% of my grade today, and the last assignment is due tomorrow.
I often find that I can't argue with the grades that I've received. But I want to receive something higher. How do I reconcile that? When I get a B that I feel that I probably deserved, but I'm still upset that I didn't pull an A, what do I do?
I don't even know.
For now, my response is to let go and entrust that as much as my grades matter for anything in the future, God will take care of it. That doesn't mean that I plan to slack off and not care, but I'm seriously considering not looking at my grades when they come out online at the end of the semester. I will have done my work, and it will be over. Why do I need to focus and worry about how it was graded by someone else? Wouldn't it be more positive to say that how I did was a matter between God and myself, because it was between He and I how closely to my best I performed?
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Is Exhaustion Physical or Mental?
Oh man am I tired.
Let's quickly recap the week: Monday I worked from 8-5 on my History paper - outlining the convict society in the earliest days of New South Wales. From 6:30-9:45 we researched and put together our group project for History, on William George Taylor and the Sydney Central Methodist Mission. I went to bed right around midnight, completely mentally drained.
Tuesday I woke up around nine, did my devotions, and by ten was editing my paper - which had been 300 words over the limit. Then I wrote my short essay for the group project. Then I kept the kids (who had the day off school for the Melbourne Cup - why they get off for a horse race don't ask me...) out of Becky and Jeremiah's hair while they finished their papers. Then I made lunch and got set up for our presentation. That went well, and then I went to Coburg to return the library books I'd gotten out for our group project. I came back and started on dinner - single-handedly making spaghetti and meat sauce (OK, Scott actually cooked the meat) and corn on the cob. Halfway through that, Jocylin comes to tell me that our group church report for Christianity and Postmodernism is not in fact done, and I need to come write a conclusion. So I go over and type the whole thing up in about 15 minutes, while e-mailing back and forth with her about what we need to include in it. Then we have class, and then Jeremiah Ellen Becky and Michelle and I had hot chocolate adn then I went to bed.
I got up Wednesday and mucked about for a while because I didn't want to to any work... But by 2:30 I was in full swing with our group project for Life in the City - we were suppoesd to canvas the business aspect of the city - retail, rural, commercial, corporate, international, intellectual, small, independent... the list goes on - and give a report on where Melbourne is currently and what we think they need to do for the future. I did that for most of the afternoon. I went downtown to sneak into the last couple minutes of evensong, and then Michelle and I went to eat - at a vegetarian restaurant on Lygon street, where I had Onion Quinoa with the most amazing mushrooms :-) - and then to Starbucks to work on our IS. We came back and watched the Butterfly Effect with Jeremiah - Ellen started it but didn't finish it with us.
Today I got up and showered and went to class, and we gave our presentation, which went infinitely better than I thought it would as of a week ago. Then I laid on the floor of my flat and colored and listened to the spring concert on Becky's iPod. We had lunch with Tucker's parents who got here today, and then I took a nap :-) Ellen and I rollerbladed for a while and then came back and I played some tennis with Jeremiah and then the three of us went and made pizza and chips and salad with Becky and Michelle. Then we had Australian Lit, and then we all sat around and talked for a couple hours.
Anyways, we are going to Tasmania in approximately four hours... I can't decide if I want to sleep or not. But next week I have another three papers due, and three more the week after that. And one more after classes are over. I thought I was mostly done with school for the semester, but this is clearly not the case. However, in a positive note, I'm not really that stressed about it - just tired.
In my postmodernism reading for last week, there was a section about right v. left brained people. I forget which is which, but I'm definitely the one who thinks more in visual terms instead of cold hard analytical. I can do that, but I think more in visual terms. Example: I write my papers by imagining myself writing them. I don't know if that makes sense, but what happens is I see myself sitting at my computer and making some great point as I write (whether or not it is actually great...) and I then physically sit and write until I get to that point. It's not like I have a detailed logical argument and outline at all. That makes me sick.
I'll maybe put up other observations about that later, but Jeremiah and Ellen and I are going to fall asleep in front of Toy Story in the student center, and then get up and shower in the morning. It took me all of 5 minutes to pack, it was great.
Come to Tasmania, Come to Tasmania, Come to Tasmania-
WE MEAN YOU!
Let's quickly recap the week: Monday I worked from 8-5 on my History paper - outlining the convict society in the earliest days of New South Wales. From 6:30-9:45 we researched and put together our group project for History, on William George Taylor and the Sydney Central Methodist Mission. I went to bed right around midnight, completely mentally drained.
Tuesday I woke up around nine, did my devotions, and by ten was editing my paper - which had been 300 words over the limit. Then I wrote my short essay for the group project. Then I kept the kids (who had the day off school for the Melbourne Cup - why they get off for a horse race don't ask me...) out of Becky and Jeremiah's hair while they finished their papers. Then I made lunch and got set up for our presentation. That went well, and then I went to Coburg to return the library books I'd gotten out for our group project. I came back and started on dinner - single-handedly making spaghetti and meat sauce (OK, Scott actually cooked the meat) and corn on the cob. Halfway through that, Jocylin comes to tell me that our group church report for Christianity and Postmodernism is not in fact done, and I need to come write a conclusion. So I go over and type the whole thing up in about 15 minutes, while e-mailing back and forth with her about what we need to include in it. Then we have class, and then Jeremiah Ellen Becky and Michelle and I had hot chocolate adn then I went to bed.
I got up Wednesday and mucked about for a while because I didn't want to to any work... But by 2:30 I was in full swing with our group project for Life in the City - we were suppoesd to canvas the business aspect of the city - retail, rural, commercial, corporate, international, intellectual, small, independent... the list goes on - and give a report on where Melbourne is currently and what we think they need to do for the future. I did that for most of the afternoon. I went downtown to sneak into the last couple minutes of evensong, and then Michelle and I went to eat - at a vegetarian restaurant on Lygon street, where I had Onion Quinoa with the most amazing mushrooms :-) - and then to Starbucks to work on our IS. We came back and watched the Butterfly Effect with Jeremiah - Ellen started it but didn't finish it with us.
Today I got up and showered and went to class, and we gave our presentation, which went infinitely better than I thought it would as of a week ago. Then I laid on the floor of my flat and colored and listened to the spring concert on Becky's iPod. We had lunch with Tucker's parents who got here today, and then I took a nap :-) Ellen and I rollerbladed for a while and then came back and I played some tennis with Jeremiah and then the three of us went and made pizza and chips and salad with Becky and Michelle. Then we had Australian Lit, and then we all sat around and talked for a couple hours.
Anyways, we are going to Tasmania in approximately four hours... I can't decide if I want to sleep or not. But next week I have another three papers due, and three more the week after that. And one more after classes are over. I thought I was mostly done with school for the semester, but this is clearly not the case. However, in a positive note, I'm not really that stressed about it - just tired.
In my postmodernism reading for last week, there was a section about right v. left brained people. I forget which is which, but I'm definitely the one who thinks more in visual terms instead of cold hard analytical. I can do that, but I think more in visual terms. Example: I write my papers by imagining myself writing them. I don't know if that makes sense, but what happens is I see myself sitting at my computer and making some great point as I write (whether or not it is actually great...) and I then physically sit and write until I get to that point. It's not like I have a detailed logical argument and outline at all. That makes me sick.
I'll maybe put up other observations about that later, but Jeremiah and Ellen and I are going to fall asleep in front of Toy Story in the student center, and then get up and shower in the morning. It took me all of 5 minutes to pack, it was great.
Come to Tasmania, Come to Tasmania, Come to Tasmania-
WE MEAN YOU!
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