Really, calendars are my problem, I decided. I was sitting here talking with Amy Palmer about a Daniel Fast that she's doing - who thinks about fasting anymore?! - and the schedule came up, since we were talking about when we want to try to do a harp-and-bowl cycle on Kingsley campus sometime. We were going to do one next week, but we will be traveling on the weekend to Wilson's Promontory, which is supposed to be some fantastic photography :-) Our other free night, Wednesday, will be taken up by a performance of Titus Andronicus that I am going to - that we thought was tonight, and then wasn't. Anyways, I was saying we could do it the first week in November, but we have a lot due that week - Our final paper and project for Australian History (we are actually in the same group for our presentation), a book for Life in the City, and then I have a church report for Christianity and Postmodernism. AAAAHHHH!
How did this happen? How did I end up with a knowledge of when all my major assignments are due? That isn't supposed to happen 'til the end of the semester! Granted, that's only four weeks away or so... But still! I can say what I have due every week for the rest of the semester, and that's just ridiculous. Should I have so much of the future in mind, or should I be more concerned with the present?
As we were working on our IS today, another point was made - I often lose sight of how much work I actually accomplish. I read two books and wrote two papers, one on a movie that I had to watch, in the space of two days. That's a huge accomplishment! And instead of being grateful that I was able to do that much in such a short time, I was too focused on what I still have left to do. I'm so worried about how things will turn out and about the grade that I'll get on them that it's causing me all sorts of undue stress.
Part of the problem (I can't remember if I've said this here or not) is that I don't have non-school activities to keep my school-activity-time focused. I feel like everything I do is either goofing-off and free time, or it's doing homework. I don't have soccer or working out or koinonia or music or the cafeteria or chapel or theater to do just to do. Everything that I do, whether it is running a couple miles or spending time playing the piano, usually sightreading, or reading my Bible, seems to be geared towards some end, some goal, some growth in my life.
Shouldn't that be a fabulous thing? I'm growing and changing and challenging and stretching myself. I'm trying to be conscious of how I love the people around me. I'm attempting to become more like Christ. I'm using my gifts and talents and resources to become more well rounded.
Somehow, I have missed out on the "play" aspect of this semester. Yes, I've done a lot of amazing things. But it almost seems as though they are all things that I should be using and internalizing to understand and shape my identity for the future. What happened to playing cards just because it's fun? Why do I have to now think of it as something that I can do to interact and build relationship with those around me? Why can't I just sit and watch a movie? Why do I have to tear it apart and analyze it? Why do I have to run for fitness, instead of having the option to play soccer just because it's fun?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to growth. And one of the quotes that I have held onto since Great Ideas in high school - one of the few, as the more I think about it I hated that class, especially senior year - is Chesterton, saying "The Christian life has never been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried."
The other quote is one that is also from GI, but also from a dear friend: "We scarcely ever think of the present; and if we do, it is only to take light from it to arrange the future... So we never live, but we hope to live; and, as we are always preparing to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so."
Now, in theory, I'm all for learning and growing and changing. It just seems like everything in my life right now, especially in academics, is geared towards that. What can I have and hold onto that it is just me, and not what I am growing into? What can I do just to have fun, without worrying about what will allow me to have fun or joy or happiness later? And how do I balance that with the very real needs of doing homework and assignments that I have now?
I'm very much excited for Christmas break, to come home and relax and let my mind slow down a little. Granted, that may not be what God has for me, but I'm hoping. For some small part of it, at least.
For now, I am trying to live out two things that I have read and learned in the last couple weeks. The first is Biblical, from 1 Peter: "Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you." The other is from one of the books from my Independent Study - the idea that lamentation to God is still a very vital and important part of worship, because it is giving Him His proper place in your life - the place of Lord. It is claiming the promise that He is in control of your life and will bring you to the end of it allright.
No, I'm not presuming to know when that is, or how far away it is - but if God is for us, who can be against us? He is in control, and He provides for and loves the sparrows, so who am I to worry about something as trite (on the eternal scale) as homework?
Not easy, but I'm trying to learn.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Stress and homework!
I seem to be really bad at timing... Or keeping track of time, anyways. I barely feel like I've gotten back from break, but here it's been two weeks already... Geez.
Sometime, maybe tonight, I will devote a period of time to a longer post, but for now these are the assignments I have due this week, and I'm freaking out.
2 papers for Engaging Australian Culture
Movie review for Christianity and Postmodernism - I just watched the movie
Paper for my Independent Study... By far the biggest thing
A book review for Life in the City - I haven't started the book yet.
2 weeks from now I have both my major assignments due in Australian History, as well as another for Christianity and Postmodernism. And a paper for Australian Literature. And another book review for Life in the City.
My head hurts... Keep my stress level in prayer!
Sometime, maybe tonight, I will devote a period of time to a longer post, but for now these are the assignments I have due this week, and I'm freaking out.
2 papers for Engaging Australian Culture
Movie review for Christianity and Postmodernism - I just watched the movie
Paper for my Independent Study... By far the biggest thing
A book review for Life in the City - I haven't started the book yet.
2 weeks from now I have both my major assignments due in Australian History, as well as another for Christianity and Postmodernism. And a paper for Australian Literature. And another book review for Life in the City.
My head hurts... Keep my stress level in prayer!
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Greetings from Sydney!
So, I'm alive and in Sydney, after sleeping most of the train ride curled up in a ball on the floor - thank you CP bus trips! The things that I can call comfort that other people would die from :-)
We are sitting at out hostel right now, but we can't get in our rooms 'til 1. Which is a real shame :-( But hey, we have free wi-fi!
Last week was loooooong. Like, maybe one of the longest weeks of my life. It didn't seem as bad as some other weeks I can think of, but by the end of it I was pretty much snapping at everyone and not a happy camper. We were doing a divorce care ministry for children all morning, and then I spent all afternoon trying to write my paper for my IS. After three tries I finally finished the dang thing, but at the expense of a whole lot more stress than I ever really wanted to incur.
But it's ok, because I'm in Sydney :-D We're planning on heading out to the beach for most of the day, and then we'll probably come back here and chill and watch a movie. Tomorrow we'll probably explore more, and then beach for a while, and then chill. Wednesday and Thursday we are heading up to Maitland to visit Jesse Ryals, and Friday we are going to visit David from Kingsley. Saturday is open, and Sunday is church (Hillsong maybe?) and the symphony at the Sydney Opera House, I'm all kinds of excited. Then the train ride back and return to school - ugh!
Mostly, I've been feeling like this whole semester is nothing but one giant deadline. The IS is the real killer, especially because the book that we are on now is so incredibly dense - it takes me a good five minutes a page or so, which is nothing anywhere close to my normal reading speed. I understand it, but it's a nightmare getting through it. And then we have all kinds of group projects and such that we have to be working one, at least one of which the "group" is fairly (incredibly) unmotivated.
Really I just care way too much about school, and I shouldn't, and I usually don't; and I don't like it.
Ah well. As the phrase of the last couple days has been: what happens, happens, and you can't do much to change it. Just keep moving on and try not to freak out about things you can't control, and do a lot more trusting - both of God and of other people. I'm not really so good at that.
No pictures yet... The library wireless wouldn't work for me on Friday and we were gone all day Saturday on a day trip, and I led worship on Sunday... Maybe I'll be able to get last week's up while we are here, but don't hold your breath! I promise they'll be up by sometime next Monday though.
So, I'm alive and in Sydney, after sleeping most of the train ride curled up in a ball on the floor - thank you CP bus trips! The things that I can call comfort that other people would die from :-)
We are sitting at out hostel right now, but we can't get in our rooms 'til 1. Which is a real shame :-( But hey, we have free wi-fi!
Last week was loooooong. Like, maybe one of the longest weeks of my life. It didn't seem as bad as some other weeks I can think of, but by the end of it I was pretty much snapping at everyone and not a happy camper. We were doing a divorce care ministry for children all morning, and then I spent all afternoon trying to write my paper for my IS. After three tries I finally finished the dang thing, but at the expense of a whole lot more stress than I ever really wanted to incur.
But it's ok, because I'm in Sydney :-D We're planning on heading out to the beach for most of the day, and then we'll probably come back here and chill and watch a movie. Tomorrow we'll probably explore more, and then beach for a while, and then chill. Wednesday and Thursday we are heading up to Maitland to visit Jesse Ryals, and Friday we are going to visit David from Kingsley. Saturday is open, and Sunday is church (Hillsong maybe?) and the symphony at the Sydney Opera House, I'm all kinds of excited. Then the train ride back and return to school - ugh!
Mostly, I've been feeling like this whole semester is nothing but one giant deadline. The IS is the real killer, especially because the book that we are on now is so incredibly dense - it takes me a good five minutes a page or so, which is nothing anywhere close to my normal reading speed. I understand it, but it's a nightmare getting through it. And then we have all kinds of group projects and such that we have to be working one, at least one of which the "group" is fairly (incredibly) unmotivated.
Really I just care way too much about school, and I shouldn't, and I usually don't; and I don't like it.
Ah well. As the phrase of the last couple days has been: what happens, happens, and you can't do much to change it. Just keep moving on and try not to freak out about things you can't control, and do a lot more trusting - both of God and of other people. I'm not really so good at that.
No pictures yet... The library wireless wouldn't work for me on Friday and we were gone all day Saturday on a day trip, and I led worship on Sunday... Maybe I'll be able to get last week's up while we are here, but don't hold your breath! I promise they'll be up by sometime next Monday though.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Churches
Well folks, this is the second post within seven days and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself!
Things in Aus are going along swimmingly... Except for me, since it is in fact too cold to swim. We begin our three week break on Friday, and I'm hoping that when we get up to Sydney it will be much warmer and worthy of time at the beach :-) All my other plans you'll just have to wait for so I can tell you about them after they happen :-D
I have been so blessed with my church situation here. I absolutely love the services at St. Paul's, and have had an amazing time getting to know and participate in the liturgy, as well as weekly communion. There is so much that happens in the weekly service, and so much more than simply worship, offering, announcements, and sermon. And the sermon is way shorter than the typical half-an-hour tirade that I'm used to. Not that I don't appreciate and grow through that, I just think that there is more to be offered in a church service than that. Not only that, but I've also met some amazing people at St. Paul's as well.
To start, two of the pastor's there have made the effort to talk to us every time we go (it's usually Becky, Bekah and I that go every week) and they are starting to get to know us and we them, and it's really good. Pastor Jim (lol) is going to NYC today to spend a couple weeks with his son, who teaches school there.
We've also met a family that has already been such a blessing to us. When we went three weeks ago, we just sat at the end of a pew not paying attention to who was there. After the service, the dad (Matt) came down and introduced himself to us, and talked to us for half an hour to forty-five minutes. We also got to meet his wife, Jo, and their four kids. Later on we met Fiona, Jo's sister, and talked with them about the joys and frustrations of homeschooling - they have all 6 of their kids doing it, and all three of us have had some experience with it as well (Bekah was homeschooled until going to college).
Last week was amazing getting to talk to them - Fiona's younger daughter has some pretty serious medical issues, that will leaver her open to the possibility of having regular seizures for about the next six months. As I was talking with Matt about it, he said something that just floored me: "We aren't asking God "Why would you do this to us" we are just trying to ask Him what this means for us now, and how we should act; and more importantly, we are trying to just be still and know that He is sovereign and in control of all things and that He loves us." I was absolutely amazed to see that kind of faith - because I know that I certainly don't have it!
The week between those two Jeremiah and Aimee and Lydia and Becky and I all did some special music at a Chinese church. We sang a couple four part hymns (I miss choir!) and did some more modern songs in the second service. The hymns went really well... The modern songs were the worst musical experience that I've ever been involved in.
Luckily it was made better this last week. I have been going to St. Paul's Anglican in the morning, and then I catch the train back and get picked up at Kingsley to go to Hilton St. Wesleyan-Methodist (if you want to know why the denoms are combined, ask me and I'll explain later...). I have been doing some kids ministry affiliated with that church - I may end up at family camp and helping do a religious education class at a local school because of that as well (and I may actually preach once...!). It's been pretty great. My friend David, who lives in the dorms at Kingsley, leads worship for the afternoon service at Hilton, and he's amazing. But this last week he just asked me to come up and jam with him while he led, and I got to play the piano, and it was fantastic! I mean, I don't know how it sounded out there, but I just had such a wonderful time getting to do that. I had almost forgotten how much I enjoy using the piano as a color instrument instead of a lead instrument, since that's what I do so much of the time.
I do miss that a lot though - Kingsley has a 15 minute devotional every morning, but it's not the same as having chapel three times a week and MercySeat (OneThing) or Koinonia on a regular basis as well. We tried to set up a worship service the second week here, but no one came :-( I may put together a couple more later on in the semester, but with break coming up it won't happen for a while.
I miss home more and more. There is much drama at Houghton right now with the possibility of the Soc. department becoming defunct, and it's casting a lot of doubt onto my future. Not that I really had much of any plans for anything after graduation... But my thought now is to be confirmed in the idea that if I do go to grad school at some point, it will probably be after a couple years spent at home. I wouldn't quite call what I feel homesickness, but I am incredibly excited to spend a good long chunk of time there at Christmas.
I struggle so much with spending the time in meditation or in prayer trying to figure out where the Lord wants my future to go, and I'm so bad at it. I know that it is a discipline, and a process, but that still doesn't mean that I don't want results now! Patience, I suppose, is a fruit of the Spirit and I could do well to develop all of them and just wait on the Lord. Be still and know is what I need to do; but I struggle with both.
Oh, and the new set of pictures:
http://houghton.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2010339&l=f2af8&id=100301115
Things in Aus are going along swimmingly... Except for me, since it is in fact too cold to swim. We begin our three week break on Friday, and I'm hoping that when we get up to Sydney it will be much warmer and worthy of time at the beach :-) All my other plans you'll just have to wait for so I can tell you about them after they happen :-D
I have been so blessed with my church situation here. I absolutely love the services at St. Paul's, and have had an amazing time getting to know and participate in the liturgy, as well as weekly communion. There is so much that happens in the weekly service, and so much more than simply worship, offering, announcements, and sermon. And the sermon is way shorter than the typical half-an-hour tirade that I'm used to. Not that I don't appreciate and grow through that, I just think that there is more to be offered in a church service than that. Not only that, but I've also met some amazing people at St. Paul's as well.
To start, two of the pastor's there have made the effort to talk to us every time we go (it's usually Becky, Bekah and I that go every week) and they are starting to get to know us and we them, and it's really good. Pastor Jim (lol) is going to NYC today to spend a couple weeks with his son, who teaches school there.
We've also met a family that has already been such a blessing to us. When we went three weeks ago, we just sat at the end of a pew not paying attention to who was there. After the service, the dad (Matt) came down and introduced himself to us, and talked to us for half an hour to forty-five minutes. We also got to meet his wife, Jo, and their four kids. Later on we met Fiona, Jo's sister, and talked with them about the joys and frustrations of homeschooling - they have all 6 of their kids doing it, and all three of us have had some experience with it as well (Bekah was homeschooled until going to college).
Last week was amazing getting to talk to them - Fiona's younger daughter has some pretty serious medical issues, that will leaver her open to the possibility of having regular seizures for about the next six months. As I was talking with Matt about it, he said something that just floored me: "We aren't asking God "Why would you do this to us" we are just trying to ask Him what this means for us now, and how we should act; and more importantly, we are trying to just be still and know that He is sovereign and in control of all things and that He loves us." I was absolutely amazed to see that kind of faith - because I know that I certainly don't have it!
The week between those two Jeremiah and Aimee and Lydia and Becky and I all did some special music at a Chinese church. We sang a couple four part hymns (I miss choir!) and did some more modern songs in the second service. The hymns went really well... The modern songs were the worst musical experience that I've ever been involved in.
Luckily it was made better this last week. I have been going to St. Paul's Anglican in the morning, and then I catch the train back and get picked up at Kingsley to go to Hilton St. Wesleyan-Methodist (if you want to know why the denoms are combined, ask me and I'll explain later...). I have been doing some kids ministry affiliated with that church - I may end up at family camp and helping do a religious education class at a local school because of that as well (and I may actually preach once...!). It's been pretty great. My friend David, who lives in the dorms at Kingsley, leads worship for the afternoon service at Hilton, and he's amazing. But this last week he just asked me to come up and jam with him while he led, and I got to play the piano, and it was fantastic! I mean, I don't know how it sounded out there, but I just had such a wonderful time getting to do that. I had almost forgotten how much I enjoy using the piano as a color instrument instead of a lead instrument, since that's what I do so much of the time.
I do miss that a lot though - Kingsley has a 15 minute devotional every morning, but it's not the same as having chapel three times a week and MercySeat (OneThing) or Koinonia on a regular basis as well. We tried to set up a worship service the second week here, but no one came :-( I may put together a couple more later on in the semester, but with break coming up it won't happen for a while.
I miss home more and more. There is much drama at Houghton right now with the possibility of the Soc. department becoming defunct, and it's casting a lot of doubt onto my future. Not that I really had much of any plans for anything after graduation... But my thought now is to be confirmed in the idea that if I do go to grad school at some point, it will probably be after a couple years spent at home. I wouldn't quite call what I feel homesickness, but I am incredibly excited to spend a good long chunk of time there at Christmas.
I struggle so much with spending the time in meditation or in prayer trying to figure out where the Lord wants my future to go, and I'm so bad at it. I know that it is a discipline, and a process, but that still doesn't mean that I don't want results now! Patience, I suppose, is a fruit of the Spirit and I could do well to develop all of them and just wait on the Lord. Be still and know is what I need to do; but I struggle with both.
Oh, and the new set of pictures:
http://houghton.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2010339&l=f2af8&id=100301115
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Heaven
It has been frustrating for me, the difference between myself and other people. It's so hard to want to engage the culture and the city so much, yet feel held back by the people I live with and am surrounded by. My idea of a full week includes a couple days of homework, going to my classes, and spending a huge amount of time in the city exploring and meeting people and having all kinds of experiences, going to two different churches, etc.. Other people's idea of a full week includes complaining about classes, not doing any work, sleeping through church, watching tv, being online, etc. I understand that I'm fairly unusual for most of humanity; but I can't understand why you would want to come to Australia to immerse yourself in American tv shows, American friends, and spend lots of time thinking and talking about America and how much you miss it.
This is not saying that I don't miss people in America!!! It's simply saying that I'm very content to spend one morning/afternoon a week putting up a blog post, catching up on facebook, and getting my e-mail taken care of. I don't want to be on the phone three hours a day and online another two. I like doing things, not thinking about other things I could be doing or will be doing in the future.
There are people I miss horribly; there are people I kind of miss; there are people I miss because I don't conflict with them anymore; and there are some people that I miss precisely because they have fallen to the periphery of my mind and I don't consciously think about them all the time.
It all plays into a spiritual/theological phase that I've been going through: I don't want heaven. Eternity scares the crap out of me. I can't think of anything more pointless or boring. I don't know why anyone would want that. It scares me; and it scares me that it scares me. That's not what I'm supposed to feel as a Christian, right?
I did write a long rant on this, that I'll try to get up mid-week sometime.
One of the things that strikes me about this is the number of people that I really miss that I don't really know that well. People like Anthony, Tommy, Libby, Jim, Carrie, Chris, Scott, or Abbie that I met during the summer that I only knew for the period of a week. these are people that are very dear to my heart. I loved spending time with them, and my spirit was so refreshed by getting to know them and spend even just one week with them. And my heart hurts to think of the very good possibility that I won't ever see some of them again.
How am I supposed to think about that as a Christian? What does that mean for my life?
For me, I have chosen (though it may be theologically faulty, I don't claim to know) to use that as the lens that I view heaven through. Heaven is going to be more than simply endless praise to God - which, admittedly, I usually tend to view as people sitting/standing/jumping around and going crazy in something like a church setting. Granted, I love doing that, and it's very much a part of my identity. But there is so much more than that!
I think of the kingdom of God, of heaven, as a party (which blatantly steals the title of a book by Tony Campolo that I have yet to read). I think of it as a place where the party of 4444 will occur. For those of you who don't know, that's the party that Dr. Bressler wants everyone to come to so we can fellowship and meet up with one another once again.
I want heaven to be a place where I can truly love people. Where I can spend all the time in the world with them, where I can get to know them, where I can see them through the eyes of Christ and love them perfectly. Where there isn't a bonding of spirits that leaves the flesh so disappointed at having to part. Where we can know and love each other in ways that we never had time or opportunity to do on earth. Where we can be united because of our love for Christ even as we experience the diversity in that love that we share.
We hit on this the other day as we were walking around, and someone made the point that we can't forget about trying to enact the Kingdom of God on earth - indeed that is one of our chief commands as Christians. And it's probably more important than wanting to be in heaven - especially if you come to a place where longing for heaven becomes escapism.
And again, by no means do I want to ignore this. I want to get to know people here. I want to be in relationship with them. I want to love them ; and I want to love them as Christ would love them, though I will admit I usually do a fairly lousy job of that. I want my love to be marked by the fruit of the Spirit and by a Christ-like attitude, I don't want it to be a hooked love that simply points back at me in the end.
I want to see people in unity, in community, loving each other and taking joy in each other's presences. Being edified and built up by each other's spirits. That's what makes people stick out so vividly in my memory and in my mind and in my longing - the people whose spirit reaches mine, the people who I miss even though I spen (t/d) such a short amount of time with them. I want to have more and more of those experiences on earth. And I want to see those around me having them on earth. And I want to see joy and laughter and mirth and love flow in abundance, even as they come out of the tears and the struggles and the strife that so often mark our experiences here on earth.
But I know that those things are impossible to attain perfectly on earth. And that because of the fallen nature of man, and indeed of my own fallen nature and selfishness, they are almost few and far between. May Christ in me work against that; may the Spirit guide me and my actions so that I will love those around me purely, and not for my own sake; but, overall, may the Father direct my thoughts and my longings toward heaven, so that my treasure - the joy of other people's spirits and souls and lives and loves - may be in heaven, and not on earth.
Amen.
New Pictures! Let me know if you have trouble accessing them, we'll work something out. Someone from church do me a favor and get the link to Jerika Swatek, so I don't get killed :-)
http://houghton.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2010269&l=e61b6&id=100301115
This is not saying that I don't miss people in America!!! It's simply saying that I'm very content to spend one morning/afternoon a week putting up a blog post, catching up on facebook, and getting my e-mail taken care of. I don't want to be on the phone three hours a day and online another two. I like doing things, not thinking about other things I could be doing or will be doing in the future.
There are people I miss horribly; there are people I kind of miss; there are people I miss because I don't conflict with them anymore; and there are some people that I miss precisely because they have fallen to the periphery of my mind and I don't consciously think about them all the time.
It all plays into a spiritual/theological phase that I've been going through: I don't want heaven. Eternity scares the crap out of me. I can't think of anything more pointless or boring. I don't know why anyone would want that. It scares me; and it scares me that it scares me. That's not what I'm supposed to feel as a Christian, right?
I did write a long rant on this, that I'll try to get up mid-week sometime.
One of the things that strikes me about this is the number of people that I really miss that I don't really know that well. People like Anthony, Tommy, Libby, Jim, Carrie, Chris, Scott, or Abbie that I met during the summer that I only knew for the period of a week. these are people that are very dear to my heart. I loved spending time with them, and my spirit was so refreshed by getting to know them and spend even just one week with them. And my heart hurts to think of the very good possibility that I won't ever see some of them again.
How am I supposed to think about that as a Christian? What does that mean for my life?
For me, I have chosen (though it may be theologically faulty, I don't claim to know) to use that as the lens that I view heaven through. Heaven is going to be more than simply endless praise to God - which, admittedly, I usually tend to view as people sitting/standing/jumping around and going crazy in something like a church setting. Granted, I love doing that, and it's very much a part of my identity. But there is so much more than that!
I think of the kingdom of God, of heaven, as a party (which blatantly steals the title of a book by Tony Campolo that I have yet to read). I think of it as a place where the party of 4444 will occur. For those of you who don't know, that's the party that Dr. Bressler wants everyone to come to so we can fellowship and meet up with one another once again.
I want heaven to be a place where I can truly love people. Where I can spend all the time in the world with them, where I can get to know them, where I can see them through the eyes of Christ and love them perfectly. Where there isn't a bonding of spirits that leaves the flesh so disappointed at having to part. Where we can know and love each other in ways that we never had time or opportunity to do on earth. Where we can be united because of our love for Christ even as we experience the diversity in that love that we share.
We hit on this the other day as we were walking around, and someone made the point that we can't forget about trying to enact the Kingdom of God on earth - indeed that is one of our chief commands as Christians. And it's probably more important than wanting to be in heaven - especially if you come to a place where longing for heaven becomes escapism.
And again, by no means do I want to ignore this. I want to get to know people here. I want to be in relationship with them. I want to love them ; and I want to love them as Christ would love them, though I will admit I usually do a fairly lousy job of that. I want my love to be marked by the fruit of the Spirit and by a Christ-like attitude, I don't want it to be a hooked love that simply points back at me in the end.
I want to see people in unity, in community, loving each other and taking joy in each other's presences. Being edified and built up by each other's spirits. That's what makes people stick out so vividly in my memory and in my mind and in my longing - the people whose spirit reaches mine, the people who I miss even though I spen (t/d) such a short amount of time with them. I want to have more and more of those experiences on earth. And I want to see those around me having them on earth. And I want to see joy and laughter and mirth and love flow in abundance, even as they come out of the tears and the struggles and the strife that so often mark our experiences here on earth.
But I know that those things are impossible to attain perfectly on earth. And that because of the fallen nature of man, and indeed of my own fallen nature and selfishness, they are almost few and far between. May Christ in me work against that; may the Spirit guide me and my actions so that I will love those around me purely, and not for my own sake; but, overall, may the Father direct my thoughts and my longings toward heaven, so that my treasure - the joy of other people's spirits and souls and lives and loves - may be in heaven, and not on earth.
Amen.
New Pictures! Let me know if you have trouble accessing them, we'll work something out. Someone from church do me a favor and get the link to Jerika Swatek, so I don't get killed :-)
http://houghton.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2010269&l=e61b6&id=100301115
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Pictures!
Well folks, I finally managed to get some pictures online. However, it took me two hours... and they are all on facebook. The rumor is that blogger won't let me upload pictures anyways (or so I've heard from other HDU students who have tried in the last couple weeks) so I guess you are all stuck.
Since that will please none of you, you can try this link: http://houghton.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2010100&l=cfdff&id=100301115. I have no idea if it will work, but facebook says it should. Hopefully from there you'll be able to get to the other album as well, but no promises.
Should that link not work for you, get on facebook. If you can't / have no desire to, track down someone who does have it and make them get on for you so you can see pictures :-) Mom and Dad, just make Jaron or Ivy get on and show you. Anyone at church, just corner Jaron and make him do it at church for you :-)
This week has been much more relaxing... kind of. I'm still struggling, since right now I have 150 pages to read by Friday morning for my Independent Study, and I have a paper due for Australian Lit. tomorrow by 7. That doesn't really help one relax and find the balance between work and play... But, then, I did just put about 100 pictures online over the course of about two hours.
Really, one of the things that we American students have found out is the difference of communication styles, specifically the technological, between Australia and the US. You pay for internet here by download rate, instead of playing a flat-rate for continuous service. I can't imagine what the library's bill is every month! And even with phone service it's different. You have to pay a monthly fee, but then you pay for every minute on top of that; and at Kingsley, you have to pay 50 cents every time you dial any number on top of that! I imagine that they waste less time online here; but even for me, who doesn't really use it that much, it's quite frustrating.
As far as contacting me goes... Keep sending me e-mail to my Houghton website. But, since it's been ridiculously patchy - I'll get nothing for four days and then get a weeks worth of backup - go ahead and copy my hotmail address as well (keyboardsoccer@msn.com). That way you will definitely get ahold of me.
The caveat here is that I'll only really be able to get on my hotmail once a week or so, unless I make it more of a habit to spend long periods of time at the library on more than one day a week. Which isn't really my plan, with so much else I want to do.
Fun events at Houghton (and by fun I mean not so much) have added to my stress, mental and emotional, so if you could keep that in your prayers it would be great. It's weird to me that something so far removed from me can still affect my emotions here, especially when I feel very little most of the time. So, in one sense, I suppose it's a plus that I'm upset about what happened; but in another sense, it does still suck.
I'm starting to get excited about a couple opportunities that I have to get involved with leading worship, as well as connections that I'm starting to make with some Kingsley families and some families from St. Paul's, where I've been going to church. It's especially great to have opportunities to be surrounded by kids again - after two months of camp I've missed that so much!
Well, I should get to working on my paper, even though I know I'm going to write a couple e-mails before I start on it. And then it will be time to leave, so really I'll just be up late tonight. Hurrah!
Since that will please none of you, you can try this link: http://houghton.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2010100&l=cfdff&id=100301115. I have no idea if it will work, but facebook says it should. Hopefully from there you'll be able to get to the other album as well, but no promises.
Should that link not work for you, get on facebook. If you can't / have no desire to, track down someone who does have it and make them get on for you so you can see pictures :-) Mom and Dad, just make Jaron or Ivy get on and show you. Anyone at church, just corner Jaron and make him do it at church for you :-)
This week has been much more relaxing... kind of. I'm still struggling, since right now I have 150 pages to read by Friday morning for my Independent Study, and I have a paper due for Australian Lit. tomorrow by 7. That doesn't really help one relax and find the balance between work and play... But, then, I did just put about 100 pictures online over the course of about two hours.
Really, one of the things that we American students have found out is the difference of communication styles, specifically the technological, between Australia and the US. You pay for internet here by download rate, instead of playing a flat-rate for continuous service. I can't imagine what the library's bill is every month! And even with phone service it's different. You have to pay a monthly fee, but then you pay for every minute on top of that; and at Kingsley, you have to pay 50 cents every time you dial any number on top of that! I imagine that they waste less time online here; but even for me, who doesn't really use it that much, it's quite frustrating.
As far as contacting me goes... Keep sending me e-mail to my Houghton website. But, since it's been ridiculously patchy - I'll get nothing for four days and then get a weeks worth of backup - go ahead and copy my hotmail address as well (keyboardsoccer@msn.com). That way you will definitely get ahold of me.
The caveat here is that I'll only really be able to get on my hotmail once a week or so, unless I make it more of a habit to spend long periods of time at the library on more than one day a week. Which isn't really my plan, with so much else I want to do.
Fun events at Houghton (and by fun I mean not so much) have added to my stress, mental and emotional, so if you could keep that in your prayers it would be great. It's weird to me that something so far removed from me can still affect my emotions here, especially when I feel very little most of the time. So, in one sense, I suppose it's a plus that I'm upset about what happened; but in another sense, it does still suck.
I'm starting to get excited about a couple opportunities that I have to get involved with leading worship, as well as connections that I'm starting to make with some Kingsley families and some families from St. Paul's, where I've been going to church. It's especially great to have opportunities to be surrounded by kids again - after two months of camp I've missed that so much!
Well, I should get to working on my paper, even though I know I'm going to write a couple e-mails before I start on it. And then it will be time to leave, so really I'll just be up late tonight. Hurrah!
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Work
Something is horribly, horribly, horribly wrong with me.
I have done way to much work this week.
No, really, I spent most of the day Wednesday in my room, reading books. For class. It was awful. To rebel, I had to spend two hours in the grass tickling little children. Which, by the way, was probably the most relaxed I've been since being here :-D Seriously, it hasn't even been a month since being in camp, but I miss little kids :-(
I was writing a friend just a little bit ago, talking of how I feel like I was wild and crazy and fun all summer, and wasn't ever really that serious. In contrast to that now, I feel as though I have been too serious since being here - at least when it comes to work. It's so unusual for me to do work when I could be watching tv with the guys, or playing basketball with whoever happens to be out there, or finding some random event and joining in.
I think also that the proximity of my workspace to everything draws me in like a magnet and forces me to read. Maybe I should grab a permanent locker down here at the library, then I'd only do work once a week!
I think that I am growing intellectually though. I no longer have the desire to just do the minimum amount of work so that I can look like I know what I'm talking about in class, I want to fully grasp the material so that I can understand it and pick it apart. In some classes, that's a fairly easy task - in others, it requires me to spend 3-4 minutes on a single page of reading. That's way less than fun for someone who doesn't like to do homework.
I really just need to find the balance or work and play, and make sure that I'm staying sane and not being overwhelmed with school itself. I'm pretty sure that that would go against everything that I am (or at least have been) in the last, oh, 6 years, and I'm not really into that.
I'm planning to come down here Sunday or Monday and figure out the picture thing if it kills me! I have around 400 for the trip so far, so maybe we'll just have to have a massive party (or, several, since I have readers (in theory) in so many different states) to look at them all. We'll see!
I have done way to much work this week.
No, really, I spent most of the day Wednesday in my room, reading books. For class. It was awful. To rebel, I had to spend two hours in the grass tickling little children. Which, by the way, was probably the most relaxed I've been since being here :-D Seriously, it hasn't even been a month since being in camp, but I miss little kids :-(
I was writing a friend just a little bit ago, talking of how I feel like I was wild and crazy and fun all summer, and wasn't ever really that serious. In contrast to that now, I feel as though I have been too serious since being here - at least when it comes to work. It's so unusual for me to do work when I could be watching tv with the guys, or playing basketball with whoever happens to be out there, or finding some random event and joining in.
I think also that the proximity of my workspace to everything draws me in like a magnet and forces me to read. Maybe I should grab a permanent locker down here at the library, then I'd only do work once a week!
I think that I am growing intellectually though. I no longer have the desire to just do the minimum amount of work so that I can look like I know what I'm talking about in class, I want to fully grasp the material so that I can understand it and pick it apart. In some classes, that's a fairly easy task - in others, it requires me to spend 3-4 minutes on a single page of reading. That's way less than fun for someone who doesn't like to do homework.
I really just need to find the balance or work and play, and make sure that I'm staying sane and not being overwhelmed with school itself. I'm pretty sure that that would go against everything that I am (or at least have been) in the last, oh, 6 years, and I'm not really into that.
I'm planning to come down here Sunday or Monday and figure out the picture thing if it kills me! I have around 400 for the trip so far, so maybe we'll just have to have a massive party (or, several, since I have readers (in theory) in so many different states) to look at them all. We'll see!
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